Convicted!

I have been SO convicted this week and I will confess now and change tomorrow, for today is over.  Tonight was Stephen's Ministry training and we studied the skills of listening.  I do not do that well, but really fall short when it comes to Noah.  I've figured out that I'm WAY TOO BUSY these days.  I really treasure my 'rest time'.  That is when the boys nap or are quiet in their rooms and I get busy and work on the house or photos.  Well, Noah has not really been napping these days and will come in my room and tell me how he can't sleep.  Then, he'll make reasons up to come in my room.  Well, I have not handled that well at all.  I constantly tell him to leave, he's bugging me, go away, don't talk, I don't want to hear it right now and on and on and on.  That is SO mean!  I'm crushing he's spirit.  Noah is such a great brother and sweet kid.  He's also VERY smart.  I love him more than life itself and I know that if someone treated me that way, I would not feel loved.  I really don't want my sweet boy to think that is what love is.  Tomorrow I will confess to him and ask for his forgiveness.  I know he will give me a big hug and forgive me, because he always makes sure I'm happy.  He likes to make me laugh.  If I don't change this now I know that later when he's a teenager he will not even bother coming to talk to me.  I feel so very guilty, but I know I can change it, so I have hope.  

With Caleb and Elijah being so young, Noah does not get much of my time during the day.  Starting tomorrow I'm not going to work on the computer during rest time.  I may clean a bathroom really quick, but for the majority of the rest time I'm going to play games with Noah.  We will do quiet time together.  Maybe we'll read, work on writing, cuddle and watch a movie, play a board game whatever we pick for the day.  Noah needs some good Mommy time and I'm ready to give it to him.  He needs to know how much I love him.  I pray that I will really do what I have planned.  October is such a busy month, so it will be hard but I need to do it.

I love you, Noah, baby!